MY7THLIFE

I had a dream last night… A dream about Bapa. He looked youthful, with a healthy head of hair. He returned home with Babu, supposedly from a trip to the UK.

Then I found myself in the front passenger’s seat of a brand new, white Pajero, and Bapa was driving. I remember thinking to myself, “Tsk. Bapa and his love for big cars.”

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When was the last time I properly blogged? Aside from posting pictures on Path, publishing it on Facebook and Twitter, I haven’t been doing much of blogging, really.

I’ve been too caught up in this Korean variety show, Running Man. I swear to you, it’s the most fun show EVER. It has made me abandon American Idol (which I have loyally followed [live blogged/tweeted too] since season 3). It also paused my obsession with catching up with the latest K-drama available online.

I can blame a few things for my obsession with this show.

There’s HaHa oppa, also known as HaRoRo, one of my most favourite running men;

I love him because he makes me laugh the most.

I also loved flower boy Joong Ki (whom I first saw in Sungkyunkwan Scandal, one of my favourite K-dramas), who was in Running Man until the 41st episode, in which had the saddest ending in Running Man so far. I’m only up until episode 43, but still, I’ve never cried during a Running Man show. At least not from sadness.

There’s Jae Suk, the host of the show, who is also a running man himself, and that in itself is awesome. There’s Jong Kook, also known as SpartaKook, with his anger management and healthy living issues. There’s also the Monday couple, Gary and Ji Hyo, which is just the funniest ever. Don’t even get me started on Gwang Soo.

I think I love it too much because it makes me laugh so hard, it hurts. Sometimes I have to pause the show just to roll on the floor and laugh.

The guests that come into the show are mostly awesome too. I’ve been amazed by 2PM’s Nichkhun and Taecyeon. I’ve also loved SNSD members’ appearance (with the exception of Sunny) because they’re so gwiyeo! The funniest episode so far (besides episode 1) has to be the one with Hyung Rae in it.

Funny how I intended to start watching the show only because of my other K-obsession, Yong Hwa. I just wanted to watch the episodes where Yong Hwa was a guest in, but since I don’t like watching TV shows in the middle of its running, I decided to start from the beginning.

And then, BAM! I continued watching the show until its 43rd episode (which is on pause right now.)

Never knew I was going to be in this deep.

It’s like the Amazing Race with the most hilarious scenes and dialogues ever.

So if you have nothing to do, start with episode 1. You can even stream the episode online if you don’t want to waste disk space. But be warned, you will get hooked.

I repeat, you WILL get hooked.

Until next time! 안녕!

It’s that time of the year again. Cakes, presents, birthday songs… I hope your 53rd year will be mostly happy, and I pray you will make it to your 54th birthday, and that’s when I will repeat, and wish you’d reach 55, 56, 57… As long as your health permits. Which reminds me, I pray for your good health.

I know I haven’t been the best of daughters, but I’m doing my best.

You may never read this, but it doesn’t matter.

I love you, Babu.

I can be such a masochist.

You know how when you read one particular word over and over again, and it loses its meaning? Every time I read the word ‘masochist’, I only need to read it 5 times (or less), and it already loses meaning.

Anyway.

I was reading through old chat logs with the ex. As in, chat logs I had with the ex, not reading the chat logs with him. Do I make sense? I don’t even know why I had to clarify that.

I also don’t know why I haven’t deleted the chat logs. Maybe because it’s on my GMail account, so I just let it take up space since I have more than 5GB worth of space anyway.

Yes.

I can be such a masochist.

The word is meaningless to me right now. It doesn’t matter. I just needed to talk about this somehow.

I remembered it was a few months after my dad’s passing… I was very good at putting up a strong front towards other people. After the first week of his demise, I rarely cried in front of anyone. I just cried when it’s time to go to bed. Alone. That was how I preferred it.

Being the eldest of two children, I felt that I had to be strong for my mom and my little sister. And I was. I think I did a good enough job anyway.

But there was this one moment when I was in my room, few months after, browsing through YouTube videos, and played Luther Vandross’ Dance With My Father. I started crying straight away, but I forgot to lock my bedroom door.

So when my mom suddenly walked into my room, finding me crying… I stopped, wiped my tears away, and pretended I was OK again.

It was then my mom said, “It’s OK to cry. Don’t keep it in. You don’t have to be strong all the time.”

She was right. But I stopped anyway. Alas, that was the last time she saw my tears. I can’t bear the thought of other people thinking I’m weak. I don’t like it. But I am. I’m very weak, and sometimes I don’t know if I can keep up being strong all the time.

It has been ages since I last went out with my mom and sister, so I decided to get out of bed today and bring them out.

We went for lunch, and then the beach. Which is something really different because we don’t normally go to the beach, not even for picnics. So it was a surprise when my mom agreed.

My sister and I decided to sit on the rocks on the edge of the beach, and take a few photos. I was there to get in a bit of the serenity, actually. If the sun wasn’t a scorcher, I would have stayed longer.

My head’s been in a mess lately. I blame it on the hormones, time of the month and all. So I did me a little thinking, complained a bit to my mom, but not giving it all away because I’m not ready to tell her yet.

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I hate it.

I hate this feeling.

I don’t want this feeling.

Not yet.

… I can’t stop smiling.

:) :) :)

(This post has been sitting in drafts for quite a while now. Can’t be bothered to edit, so excuse any incomplete sentences, or any statements that leave my point hanging. LOL.)

I lost a good friend this year. Not to death, thankfully. But, unfortunately, we drifted apart. I don’t know if that term can be used, even. We didn’t quite drift apart. The friendship stood to a complete halt.

No warnings whatsoever, I’m suddenly robbed of a friend I cherished. Someone I could pour my heart out to, and be honest with.

I don’t know what happened. Maybe someone said something about me to her that could either be A. something very bad, grossly exaggerated and completely untrue, or B. something true, socially/morally acceptable, but she cannot accept it, or she couldn’t be honest with me about it.

Or maybe it was something I said. I can be too frank with my best friends, and most of the time, it’s not a good thing. Which is why I’d rather joke around with my friends and avoid serious issues.

Sigh. I really don’t know what happened. Was I too clingy of a friend? Was I too pushy? Bossy? Was I the kind of friend who didn’t know her limits? Is my job not glamorous enough? Is it because I don’t have enough money? Is my family not good enough?

A few of my friends I’ve lost, I sort of understand why I’m no longer friends with them. But this friendship… I never knew what went wrong, and I don’t know why I haven’t bothered to ask.

Maybe I’m just too annoying.

It never is.